Blinded
by Neon Star
Summary: Another one shot, short AU story. Xanatos watches and feels as they strip his powers away. Xanatos's POV.


Obviously I don't own this, Lucas does. And yes, I'm back, somewhat, at least in the SW section. For those that might also be LOTR fans that have read my other works, all LOTR is still on hold.

Blinded

I never thought I would see you beg, let alone beg for my life, from the hands of those you constantly disobey. I never thought I would see such naked desperation on your face for the life of the one who tore your heart out, and shattered it. It sickens me, and yet, it stirs the briefest breath of pain, and regret. My father is begging for his son's life, when his son does not deserve it. Such a proud man should not be laid so low. The darkness and the light in me agree with that. No enemy, no matter how much I hate them, should be reduced to begging, especially for my life.

You are not the only one begging, for at your side, silent as your shadow, is your new Padawan. No words reach his lips, yet his eyes plead for mercy. Those usually sea green depths are gray, sad, his heart shining through. He wants me to live, the one who had tried to murder him not too long ago. And he wants me to live, not to suffer, but because there is a possibility for redemption. He is as weak as I told you he was, yet, he is stronger then I... I who would have taken his head, and shown it to you like a trophy.

It sickens me that you and he would beg for my life. It makes my stomach turn, my cold heart burn, my eyes twitch. I hate it, almost as much as I hate you, my dear old Master. Let me die; let me be condemned to whatever Force hell there is. I care not. I knew what path, the eternal pain and torment, I chose the moment I chose it. Do not stand in the way of what I have chosen for myself, not this time!

I don't regret anything I have done, therefore, no mercy should be given. I will never regret, do not waste your words of pity on me. Keep what is left of your sad heart, and give it to that child at your side. Let your demon die with the rest of your soul, so that I may have a small victory! But you won't even grant me that, would you? No, you can't give up trying to save what cannot be saved. You don't want this black stain on your record, on what's left of your soul.

So here you are, on your knees before these cold beings, begging, while I laugh and cry at your selfness. You poor, miserable fool. Stop trying to save the damned!

The boy moves, lays a hand on your shoulder, and stands as you go quiet. I swear by the Force I see a light around him, a faint, yet glowing light, which pulses at the beat of his heart. This is a child of the light, devoted, gentle, yet willing to do what it takes for justice and truth to be dealt. Pale lips open, and his plea for my life rings out, different from yours. There is no desperation or despair in his voice, just calm, simple logic, and compassion. The compassion hurts, cuts deeper then any lightsaber could. He speaks not of the lost, but of what can be gained. He does not speak of pity, nor salvation, nor redemption, he speaks of a purpose. I know the darkness, and I am the only ruler Telos will accept, I still have purpose left in this galaxy, which may or may not lead to redemption. I could be made as an example. He suggests stripping me of my ability in the Force.

My heart freezes at this. He suggests blinding me, but leaving me the knowledge of what I have lost. He says I still have purpose, but I am too dangerous to hold what the Force deemed to gift me with. Strip me of all defense, leave my mind naked to any who decides to use it, take a part of my soul in payment for what I have done. What better punishment for the betrayer, but to take away what he has abused? It is too cruel, and too merciful. Perhaps it makes me hate him more then you, for this one instance.

Yoda's eyes twitch, his ears move. I see what I don't wish to see, that he is moved, not by your words but by that boy's proposition. The end of myself is near. They are considering it; I can see it in their cold eyes, and stone faces. The perfect destruction, to blind another. They may as well burn my eyes out, cut my ears off, slash out my tongue, crush my nose, and rupture the part of my mind that feels physical sensation. Steal all my senses; leave me in stifling blackness, that is what they would be doing if they did this.

Oh Force, they nod, they agree. Silently, without a word, they discussed it right in front of us, and have decided to destroy me. I want to scream out. I want to call a lightsaber to me and end my life now. I will not lose my gift so easily! Yet, what can I do, with my hands bond, a Force inhibitor around my neck, and my binds held by two strong Jedi Knights?

Nothing, I realize, and my cold heart shudders. I am helpless, in the face of what they intend to do... Force help me... For the first time, I cannot change my fate, and I am at the mercy of another, another who is cruel and just in the same breath...

You look to your student, horror and understanding in your gaze. He has saved your monster, at a price, a price that could destroy what you once loved, and still love, with all your foolish, sad heart, diminished though it is. You say nothing, you have nothing to say. I would rejoice in that, for few things can shut the mouth of the great and oh so wise Qui-gon Jinn! But I can't, for what moves your tongue to silence is what terrifies me. I can't, I won't live like that!

My voice rises, in anger, in pleading. I try to tell them not to do this, I nearly beg them not to. My pride is broken by my worst fear, I would gladly die, but I cannot live without the feel of life, tainted though it is through my darkness. They cannot do this to me! Surely they are not so cruel, even to one of their fallen!

Yet, they are not moved, they merely stare at me. You look to me, sadness in your gaze, pity in those deep midnight orbs. I sneer at that pity, and I show my hatred through my own eyes. I don't want your pity, why can't you learn that? I just want to destroy you, old man; surely you can figure that out by now! But it is not you that will be destroyed here, but I...

Windu rises and passes the judgment, though we knew long before what it would be. I am to be stripped, and then my fate will be decided from there. They will not wait, they cannot wait. There is another darkness on the horizon, they can feel it. They have to take care of the lesser quickly, to make sure the greater does not flourish from that lesser. Curse them, can't they have some mercy and let me have some time!

The knights bring me to stand in front of them, and then, push me to my knees. I don't struggle; I know I have lost this fight. No words, no actions, will save me now. Yet, I stare at them, nearly daring each of them to carry out this task. I will not lose myself completely. I will rise, even from this, and I will destroy them for what they are going to do to me. This mercy of theirs will cost them greatly, I will make sure of it.

Yoda speaks my name, softly, yet with strength, and I find I have to look to him, to find that he is standing right in front of me. Those ancient eyes study mine, and for a moment, I feel his age, his sadness, his pain over what has become of me. And here I believed he hated me, for was it not he who insisted I would fall, long before I even felt the first seducing touch of the dark? Was he not the one who saw my mistress hanging over me long before I knew it to be there? And here he is, not pitying me, but hurting for me. Sentimental old fool, you and him both.

Yet, it will be him that delivers the blow. Oldest and wisest is he, and only he can do this without killing me. The others would have to work in union to do the same, but he can do it alone. It doesn't surprise me, though, I wonder how I will survive to exact my revenge.

I am strong in the Force, I have always been so. You once told me you could sense me long before you even reached Telos. I am one of the most adept users known, inside, and outside the Temple. I don't know how to live without my gift; I don't want to know how to live. Yet, my hate sustained me through many things, perhaps it will hold me through this long enough. Just long enough to make you all suffer.

Clawed fingers gently, almost tenderly touch my hair, smoothing the long, unruly black strands away from my temples. They then lay there, and my eyes lock with his as I begin to feel his presence growing stronger. The collar must have been removed at some point, of that I am certain, yet, why couldn't I feel it before?

It is of no matter now. I taste my life, the pulse of the Force, the world around me, every soul in the room, and without. And that feeling grows, pushing steadily towards my limit. Then past, the light and dark seeming to dance before my eyes as a sort of odd gray glow seems to encompass me, blocking everything out, till I am surrounded by nothing but a mix of night and day. Joy suddenly burns up past the hatred, past the rage, past the terror, until I feel consumed with such fire, with such overwhelming emotion.

Onwards, upwards, it climbs, my mind expanding out, my soul stretching beyond my ability. For the briefest moment, I feel the greatest pleasure, and the worst pain ever in my life. I am connected to every living thing and none in the universe, and for a moment, I feel everything.

Then the burning becomes overpowering, and I fall, losing connection to everything in one blinding moment. I feel like I am falling, lost, confused, and not truly understanding. I am isolated, my soul is alone, and I feel nothing but a cold numbness.

I am back in my own body, and I am weeping. The silence in my mind is so painful, and I feel it like an open wound. Yoda withdraws, and while tears falls from my eyes, while I kneel, trembling like a small child, the Council leaves the room. I can't sense it, I only know because I hear the door swish behind them.

Warm arms, your arms, wrap around me. My stubborn side wants to push you away, snap at you, accuse you of doing this to me. Yet, the side that had been your son clings to you, seeking comfort after losing one of the most vital parts of my soul.

It's so cold, I feel so dead, so tired, so lost. I've never been this alone; I have never had such a feeling. It hurts...

You gently rock my trembling form, pressing my head to your shoulder, letting me cry into your neck. Only once, I look to your new child, and all I see is sadness, but no remorse. He who suggested this torment, does not regret it. He never will, for he believes himself to be in the right. I can only curse him, while my shattered soul tries to understand.

I am now one of the cursed; I have now lost my ability in the Force. It has been burned from me, and I shall never be the same again. All because I fell to darkness, and failed to take my life when they captured me. I know not how I, Xanatos Crion, will survive this.


End file.
